The four skills of dialogue

How we show up in the conversations is the biggest contributor to promoting dialogue. Photo by Austin Distel on Unsplash

If we are looking to increase the quality of conversations in our teams, a great way to do that is to foster dialogue within and amongst the team. According to William Isaacs, dialogue is more than two people conversing, it is the "art of thinking together" and is about creating meaning together. It is a great place for teams to strive for with their interactions.

So, how does dialogue emerge? It is emergent and I will answer that question in two parts - firstly the skills that are presented in literature and secondly through my own personal experience of observing how and when dialogue arises.

A model that is adapted from the book, Dialogue and the Art of Thinking Together presents four skills or components that go into fostering dialogue:

Suspending

I have written about this previously - the ability for participants in a conversation to suspend the desire to judge or defend a perspective is essential for dialogue to occur.

Listening

Deep listening is a fantastic skill for all of us to continually develop. It's no surprise that listening is required to achieve dialogue.

Voicing

What is spoken about less is the ability to genuinely and constructively present your own viewpoint. Without voicing, the conversation loses the possibility of full meaning exchange.

Respecting

Intertwined in dialogue is an underlying assumption that we are able to acknowledge the other person's perspective - along with their right to hold that view and that we can never truly fully understand it.

This research complements my personal experience observing when teams are able to have moments of dialogue. What I have noticed is that to engage in dialogue requires courage and the ability to be vulnerable. Simply telling someone to suspend their judgement is very unlikely to work if they don't believe that you are suspending yours! 

I was first exposed to this model by Dr Paul Lawrence during my Masters of Business Coaching. One of my lasting memories of Paul's classes was the value that he placed upon dialogue and his ability to role model it. It's this point that is probably most relevant for our teams - if we want our conversations to tend towards dialogue and thinking together, the way that we show up in the conversations is the biggest contributor to that. If you can turn up while suspending your desire to jump to a conclusion and instead work towards understanding the other person's perspective, you will make it more likely for the other person to do the same.

I'm not sure that anyone spends all of their conversations in dialogue. Most of us can benefit from having more of our conversations in this space. Some questions for you to consider this week:

1. Which of the four skills for dialogue are you strongest in?

2. Which of the four skills for dialogue are you weakest in?

3. What difference could you make for your teams if you turn up in conversations more ready to foster dialogue?