The art of 'the graceful no'​ within your teams

I recently got in touch with someone to see if they were able to get something done. Here was her response:

"Alas, my plate overfloweth right now - I can't get to all the commitments I have and cannot make more."

It was an example of something that I have termed "the graceful no" and it is a powerful skill for team performance. Let's quickly deconstruct this response and why I experienced it as a graceful no:

"The graceful no" and it is a powerful skill for team performance. Photo by Etty Fidele on Unsplash

1. It was swift - when we are saying no, the sooner the better. In this instance, it was not instantaneous, but it was timely. It let me look into other options more readily. Often we find ourselves committed to requests not because it was a good thing for us to work on, but because we left it too late to decline.

2. It was clear and direct - there was no "let me see if I can fit that in" or anything like that. The absence of ambiguity made me feel like there was no chance of that decision changing. That was a good outcome for both parties.

3. It didn't make me feel bad for asking! The delivery was kind and generous and didn't make me feel like I was rude for making the initial request. She actually thanked me for getting in touch before saying that it wasn't going to happen this time. In our teams, we need requesting, accepting and declining opportunities to collaborate to flow readily in all directions. The graceful no can do this - it sets clear boundaries, it makes things clear for all parties and it can even leave the relationship enriched rather than degraded. After this, my view of this person was even higher than the very lofty standards I had set for her. I felt like keeping her commitments was important to her and not something she takes lightly. It increased my trust in the quality of her work and she didn't hold up my flow.

By working on this skill, we can make sure that as individuals we maintain our own capacity. We also role model to others in our teams that it is appropriate and constructive to say no at the right time and in the right way. 

Some questions for you to consider in your teams:

   1. Have you ever experienced a graceful no?

   2. Could you develop or role model this within your teams?